Grit In The Gap

because he got an integer problem wrong. Nothing better to do but blog while I wait the requisite 20 minutes for him to stop (that’s not true, but I don’t feel like doing anything else).

I can’t get mad or sad or frustrated or hold a grudge, I can just repeat over and over: This is my job, this is my job, this is my job. Nothing else. There are no should be’s. This is it, this is my job. Just keep doing it.

Just kidding. I’m clearly sad, and I know that’s my fault—that is, the emotion with which I’m reacting to these episodes is under my control. I just can’t get rid of something, and I’m not sure what it is. Pardon me while I work through it.

I feel guilty. I feel like I am not good enough—I should be stopping them. I’m not actually sure how to prevent or intervene when it goes from 0 to 60 so quickly, but still. The environment I provided should have prevented that, right? I feel embarrassed because I am better than this—or maybe I’m not, but I have been before. And because there are so many adults watching. It’s embarrassing to watch something you’re in charge of suck. I feel mad at them because I work hard, and I care a lot, and they still freak out—it’s their fault that I suck and the class sucks. Then I feel mad at myself for feeling this way because I know to be angry at them is irrational—they can’t control it, it is not their fault. Finally, I feel resentful towards the parents who have expectations that feel unrealistic, because even though the kids can’t control what they’re doing after a certain point, they still do what they do. And I don’t know how I’m supposed to get them to learn the fullest amount. Or maybe their expectations are realistic. Back to the guilt and feelings of inadequacy. Finally, I’m just bewildered because after these blowout incidents. I can’t think straight. I can’t plan because my head skips about every other thought, and I can’t string anything together.

A case could be made that I think/feel too much.

This is my job, this is my job, this is my job. Nothing else. There are no should be’s. This is it, this is my job. Just keep doing it.

I just observed an excellent ED classroom, and I am proud to say that I do the majority of the things that that teacher does. It made me feel really good and reminded me that, Yes I actually am an excellent candidate for my job.

I did see a few things I could tweak to improve my classroom, but I didn’t see any magic. And I’m stumped. Why is my classroom out of control? Is it just that I am new to the kids and the school? Actually, most of the kids are new to the school or to middle school in general. No one who observes me tells me to change anything—my tone, environment, lessons, etc.—I actually think I do some of those things better than the teacher I saw today (esp. tone)

All of this makes me think that I just have to keep plugging ahead and put in the time. I just don’t want to keep plugging in the wrong direction. But nothing indicates that I am, so until I hear otherwise…

teamteachers:

The “Ayes” have it. Here are the newest tag ideas being added to our Teaching Tags page*:

Classroom Management

Disruptive Behavior

Behavior Management

Literacy

(submitted here)

When there are multiple, related tags, please use them all (why?).

If these tags apply to you, start following these tags and using them on your posts!

• Oh, you know, today was a typical day—the translator for my IEP got in a car wreck, so I had to pull the Social Studies teacher out of class to do it. In the meantime, half the school was going to an amusement park, so there were no teachers to cover for awhile. In the midst of the chaos however, we started, even if it was 40 minutes late. Sorry, parents. That is what you get for not being able to afford living in an affluent school district or sending your kid to a well-run, private school.
• After school, the first-year math teacher and I were talking, and he asked me what I would tell a first-year teacher at our school next year. We both agreed that if there are such teachers, we will do what no one did for us, which is to say: this place is insane. If you have no patience or flexibility, get some fast, or get out. Chaos is the rule, not the exception. Also, one that we didn’t mention, but that I’m sure he would agree with: keep your prized possessions on your person at all times.
• In the vein of thinking of the future, I keep asking myself what I’m going to say to myself in however many weeks and however many days. It is going to be surreal—it already is—that I am finishing my first year of TFA, of educating people with whom I had no common experience until I made it,  of living in SF, or not-Kansas. I wanted to do all of the above for so long, and to think that it’s finally just me, is absurd. I’m already tripping. I can’t wait.

Hang pictures like this.

Essay idea: state flowers.

this is the timecapsule of the future.: Entertainment Weekly's Top 100 New Classics

1. The Road , Cormac McCarthy (2006)

2. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, J.K. Rowling (2000)

3. Beloved, Toni Morrison (1987)
4. The Liars’ Club, Mary Karr (1995)
5. American Pastoral, Philip Roth (1997)
6. Mystic River, Dennis Lehane (2001)
7. Maus, Art…

the best sandwich I ever had was the Hot Turkey Special at Maxfield’s on 17th & Dolores.

Turkey, toast, jack cheese, cranberry, and apple, for future replication.

cristinfrank:

“Your kid is in the bottom three of the class,” was the unpleasant reality presented at my last teacher conference. It was then decided that I would bring my first-grader into school early, twice a week, for math help. After the second tutoring session the teacher e-mailed me to say she had a difficult time with my son. By the third session, we were dumped. “Something’s come up and I can no longer tutor him.” (WTF)

My mother and two sister-in-laws are elementary ed teachers and offered their expertise. I was told, “Cristin, you’re smart and creative, but you really need a professional to handle this.” I thought that was true, up until that moment. I was never shy about admitting I didn’t have a background in educating. But, had I forgotten, in my back pocket was a marketing career.

No, I don’t educate; I trick!

My favorite marketing strategies are incentive, privilege, repetition, curiosity and visualization.

Flash cards suck. But they’re not so bad, if you let your little one stay up a little past his bedtime to learn them (incentive). Now, instead of flash cards allow him to use a special dry erase board, but only for math (privilege). Write 3 math problems on said dry erase board and go over them a few times. Ask him to bring you the board first thing in the morning to see if he can still remember the answer. Do this until he’s on autopilot with those 3 problems (repetition). At the same time, hide the other flash cards in an envelope. Put the envelope in view but not within reach. You want him to wonder what problems are in there.  Ah, ah, but he can’t know until he get’s the current problems memorized (curiosity). While this little “head game” is going on, post a picture of something he’d like to have – his reward for memorizing those fun and challenging flash cards (visualization). My son randomly asked for a typewriter, sigh, so I had to go to a stock photo site to get my visualization tool. And I’m afraid I’m going to have call on American Pickers to find me one!

Do note, it’s important to take this five-point approach, otherwise “something might come up” and your son will dump his enthusiasm.

Good Luck!

Hello, grad school application essay.

The Bell Jar, 16th & Guerrerro

Flickr: The MLK BLVD Pool

http://mlkblvd.wordpress.com/

i12bent:

Ralph Gibson (b. Jan 16, 1939) is an American photographer who often strays over into the erotic, whether for commercial work, or in the traditional art nude genre, as above…

Go here for George Eastman House collection; 201 images (some surprisingly pornographic)…